So everybody does the weird stuff, or at least thinks about trying the weird stuff, at least once in their lives. Nobody is a deviant for a little bit of consensual spanking. Everybody smacks or gets smacked in the bedroom at least once; I mean it happens. However not everyone will dive into the kink community at large. Eventually on our sex ed odyssey we will cover all sorts of specifics of kink but for now let’s talk about kink 101.
Kink is not all whips and chains; and it certainly isn’t 50 shades of gray. Kink is simply a fixation on a specific bit of sexuality or type of object or material. Not everyone who is kinky is into BDSM. Kink is not all dark rooms and leather. Kink covers a wide umbrella of activities that range from accents to zentais and everything in between.
Kink is a perfectly normal part of sexuality. Everyone finds something that gets their motor, in particular, running. Anything beyond standard missionary sex is technically part of the kink umbrella. Kink is normal, cosmo talks about kink now. It is perfectly normal to want to try out some new things; just make sure you try them out safely.
A huge part of kink is talking. Kinksters love to talk. Kinksters love to talk like poly folks love to schedule. When we are talking about kink proper, this is called negotiating. Negotiation is when everyone involved in the scene (what you are going to do) talks about what they want out of the scene and what they are and are not comfortable with.
Negotiations can be broken up into two main sections: wants and limits. Wants are pretty self explanatory; what do you want to get out of a scene, or what are the things that you might want to try. Limits are a little bit more complicated. Hard limits are things that you will absolutely not do, things that you don’t like under any circumstances. Soft limits are things that might be ok with the right partner at the right time, but at the moment don’t seem right. Negotiation is integral to a healthy relationship; when no one talks no one ends up satisfied.
Kink is exciting, there is always more to learn about and talk about. Finding people to talk about it with however is a bit more complicated. Those friends you’ve had since 7th grade jesus camp might not be the best choice. Kink is embarrassing at first; it involves orgasms which can make folks a bit squeamish. Because of this, a lot of people first find the kink community online. By far the best place to learn about kink has become fetlife (www.fetlife.com) when it comes to online. Think of it as kinky facebook. It is a great place to find out about events in your area and local groups.
In person however, things get a bit trickier. The two places to meet people in person, without going to a dungeon that is, are kink nights at clubs (very loud not the greatest for meeting people) and munches. Munches are easy and low key. Munches are literally a group of people sitting down together and eating. Everyone there is kinky, but a lot of what gets discussed are normal people things, like the newest video game or what people are reading, with a little bit of kink sprinkled in. Munches are a nice non threatening place to meet new kinky friends and find yourself a foothold in the community.
Kink is fine and normal; I can not say that enough. Be safe, talk to your partners, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. The kink community loves to teach. Try new things, meet new people, and maybe you will have the best orgasm of your life. Kink has come out of the dark scary dungeons and is now a thriving community that is just waiting for you to join.