Ok folks, real talk; most people take naked pictures of themselves. Even if you normally don’t, things happen. Sometimes, you get a little tipsy, you realize your phone has a camera built in and you rationalize that you’re only going to send it to your partner right? Right?! Wrong! You can send it to the wrong person, or you can get extra confident and send it to everyone. If you can not handle people you have to interact with seeing your nudes don’t send them to people, and especially don’t make porn of yourself. Breakups make people bitter and terrible and they do and say things that you didn’t think they would be capable of. Continue reading
Ahoy there anal explorers! Today on Fetish Friday we are going to explore the wide and wonderful world that exists inside of your anus. This week we are going to talk about lube, pegging, and of course that everybody poops! So join me, your posterior professor, for this sphincter seminar. Continue reading
So, first thing’s first. I know all of you know that condoms exist. Everyone is aware that there is a little rubber tube you put a penis in before said penis participates in sexual contact. We have all heard the myriad assortment of slogans from “no glove no love” to “don’t be a fool vulcanize your tool.” Every teen movie seems to have some frustrated gym/health teacher handing out condoms while telling students that if they have sex, they will die. In fact, my own pubescence was spent with the mantra “what are drugs? Bad. what are boys? Bad.” because interaction with penis-bearing individuals would result in my contracting thousands of STDs and dying. As a result of my childhood mantra, safe sex has always been an obsession of mine. To me, genitals are like comic books: unless it’s your own, you shouldn’t handle it without a protective sleeve. That being said, barriers go beyond just covering penises in plastic and it’s time to talk about that.
A while back consent came into vogue. The internet was plastered with the slogan “consent is sexy”; but consent isn’t sexy. Consent is necessary. Consent is a fundamental right to control what happens to your own body. As informed members of the modern world, we want to form a consent based culture. Consent Culture is when a community as a whole focuses on understanding and practicing informed consent in all of their actions.
A lot of things have to happen for consent to happen truly and fully. For consent to exist it must be informed; everyone has to know what is going on and be able to comprehend what is happening (this is why an animal or a toaster can’t consent folks!). Consent also has to be enthusiastically given, you can’t take someone saying “well maybe I dunno” as “why yes put your fist in my ass that is my jam!”. A reluctant yes is not really a yes.
Consent needs to be sober. This does not mean stone cold sober, drinks happen I get that; but everyone does need to be in charge of all of their faculties. If someone is falling over drunk they can not consent. If someone is passed out they can not consent. We really should not have to explain that bit folks.
Consent has to be freely given, if someone is coerced, if they feel threatened or in danger if they say no, they can not actually consent. Consent is necessary for all areas of life where you interact with others. Any interaction with another human that human has to consent to.
The kink community is the most consent obsessed group of people I have ever met and it is fantastic. That was the first place where I encountered people gaining consent for casual touching. The phrase “Is it alright to shake hands” was groundbreaking to me; because actually it wasn’t I don’t like to touch people I don’t know very well. Kink is the first place I encountered people who did not question my choice to give or deny consent.
Consent violations happen, they are a part of life. Most of these violations are small, they are little bumps in the road dealt with with a simple apology. A consent violation can be anything from unwanted contact, to rape. Like everything else in our world consent violations fall along a spectrum. Educating people when minor consent violations occur instead of staying silent helps to perpetuate consent culture. For us to stay a consent minded community we must be vigilant and yet still remain understanding.
Consent culture is a responsibility. We are responsible for self policing without turning everything into a witch hunt. Keep consent in mind when you are interacting with new people, what may come to you with ease may be something that others need to work up to. Remember, just because you’re a hugger doesn’t mean that everyone you meet is a hugger to. Consent is as simple as asking a question and respecting the answer. Let’s make a point to ask first, and help take consent culture into the mainstream.
So everybody does the weird stuff, or at least thinks about trying the weird stuff, at least once in their lives. Nobody is a deviant for a little bit of consensual spanking. Everybody smacks or gets smacked in the bedroom at least once; I mean it happens. However not everyone will dive into the kink community at large. Eventually on our sex ed odyssey we will cover all sorts of specifics of kink but for now let’s talk about kink 101. Continue reading
Welcome to fetish Friday where we are going to learn the more practical knowledge for trying out the weird stuff! Kinks are fun! Don’t lie; it’s fun to do weird complicated stuff in the bedroom. Today we are going to learn about one of the tamer fetishes, but a fetish that causes a spectacular amount of mess and can easily result in injury when you don’t know what you are doing: wax play. Continue reading
So let’s get this out of the way right now: there is not a damn thing wrong with sleeping around, there is nothing wrong with wearing skimpy clothes, and it really does not matter when you made you sexual debut. What does matter is how you feel about these things. To own your own sexuality is a sign of maturity and not everyone’s sexuality is going to be the same. Shaming people for how they express their sexuality as healthy, consenting adult members of society is a ridiculous, antiquated notion and it’s time we all realized that. Continue reading
Compassion should be ingrained into the very core of our beings as members of the queer and geek communities. We have embraced the idea of being “other”, of being the outcasts. We are the very picture of the kids who got picked last in gym class, and yet, we often fail to treat each other with compassion and acceptance when it comes to one issue in particular: STIs. Medically speaking, we are at a point where we are either curing or living with these diseases, not dying from them. A member of the queer community is more likely to contract an STI during their lifetime than any other group and yet, almost without fail, our communities ostracize and gossip about those who get infected as badly as the rest of society. Continue reading